Friday, April 17, 2009

Sexual healing

I have a new hobby. I enjoy it. Immensely.

The other people who have to endure it while I am enjoying myself is a different story. For them, the three to five minutes must seem like an eternity. However, I could really care less.

I am just living the dream. Me, a microphone and a willing or even an unwilling audience is all I need.

Well, maybe one beer. When your as bad as I am, a little liquid courage never hurts. Who would have thought that partaking in Karaoke would be so much fun?

They say those who can do, and those who can't teach. Well, I am already a teacher. So, when it comes to singing, I pick songs that I have no business singing. If you can't do it, try and screw it up as much as possible is my philosophy.

Why take yourself seriously when you know you aren't any good? It's all about having fun and letting loose.

So, my song of choice? Clarence Carter's Strokin'. That's right. This 5-foot-7, 150-pounder sings a song sung by a big black man with a strong voice.

That's like Barry White singing Barry Manilow's Mandy. It doesn't work.

But, me impersonating Carter giving sexual tips? It doesn't get any better. The irony of it all... sex is something I vaguely remember.

But, I can sing about it.

"Let me ask you something...
How long has it been since you made love, huh?
Did you make love yesterday
Did you make love last week
Did you make love last year
Or maybe it might be that you plannin' on makin' love tonight"

It doesn't matter that I would have to answer no to all those questions. Well, last year... that would be yes.

No. What matters is that for the few minutes I am up there, I am making love with the microphone. And, it's good. Real good.

For me, at least. When your a single dad, sometimes that's as good as it gets.


  1. I feel your pain... well, not literally ;)

    The first bit, about the 3-5 minutes made me snort. Then I realized you were talking about singing.

    What was that I was saying earlier about a dirty mind? Yeah, you know ;)

  2. i really need to adopt that philosophy of yours, "If you can't do it, try and screw it up as much as possible." mine's just not working so what've i got to lose?!

    i have so missed your entertaining posts!

  3. Love the way you started this post.

    I think we need a video please.

  4. TOO FUNNY!!! Whenever I am three sheets in the wind on Crapioki night...I ALWAYS do this same song!! Just try and picture it coming from a 6 foot tall red head. (bad thought) I even TURN around and bend over went it gets to the part about being sassified...
    "and if that stuff aint tight can stick it up my WHOOOP WHOOOP!! (really bad thought)

  5. I knew what your new hobby was just from the title of this post. That kinda scares me...

    This song is FABULOUS! And, whew, maybe a little too much for a single girl on a Friday night!

  6. Yes, please have a good buddy of your's sneak a cell phone video onto you tube, then post a link here!

  7. Cute. Belt it out. Who cares if you aren't any good? I'm not good at plenty of things but it doesn't stop me any.

    And I agree with the other poster, we will be needing video of the event, just to make sure it actually happened.

  8. Oh, I would love to see you singing that!!

  9. I was thinking the same thing about the youtube video :)
    That reminds me of a bar in Fargo, ND that I used to go to in college. The male bartenders would get up on the bar and dance to that song.

    Problem was-they were chubby and not that good lookin'. Fun thing -was they really got into it and we all cheered cuz they were having so much fun.

    So, go for it and people will cheer for a great personality over a great voice anytime (just stay away from Celine Dion songs;)

  10. Yes, I was hoping for the video too and was disappointed it was the real thing instead of your version. Come on, if you're brave enough IRL surley you can be on your blog! ;)

  11. I sing at least as badly as you do, and love Karaoke just as much. But I've never had the courage to do it as a single!

    I need to share the blame around.

  12. You are so brave...I swear there is not enough liquor in the world to get me to do Karoke! I literally am in pain for others who sad, really!
    Good for you!