Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Catching up with Mom

OK, so I am back. Been awhile. Too long in fact.

Maybe not long enough for some of you. But, here I am.

It has been quite a month to say the least. Had a birthday, buried a friend, celebrated Easter with my girls, spent too many nights singing Kareoke in a local bar, got a new roommate, and had the best conversation with my Mom in the last 20 years.

To say the least, the conversation with my Mom was the highlight.

Ironically, it didn't start off all that great. In fact, after hearing the first thing she said, I thought our relationship was doomed.

"Brett, I read your entire blog."

After that, there was silence. I was speechless and she was waiting for me to say something.

There have been a few times where I referred to my Mother in posts where I talked about her drinking problems, wrote about her driving our family car into a Winchell's Donuts, and even mentioned her failed relationships with men since the divorce with my father. The purpose of doing this was not to hurt her, rather, I did it because her struggles were a part of me.

I have said in the past that my blog is essentially me looking in a mirror. What I see is what I write.

However, when I write something that puts a loved ones business out for anyone to read, I should have considered how they would feel about it. That's what was going through my mind while thinking of what to say to her.

"Are you OK? I mean, I know I wrote some things you probably didn't like reading."

"No, it wasn't easy reading some of the things on there. But, that was me. I am just sorry, Brett."

Hearing my Mom tell me she was sorry was hard to take. I have never looked for an appolgy from her. She's my Mom. The only Mom I had and the only Mom I will ever have.

More importantly, the only Mom I could ever want.

While she had her faults, there were things about her that I absolutely loved and adored.

Whenever I had a problem or was in some sort of trouble, she was always the one I ran to. She was human and had gone through shit and I knew she would listen and not judge or ridicule me.

She was the one I told when I got drunk for the first time, when I lost my virginity, and ran to after all my failed relationships. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to go to.

I could always count on her for that. If my girls feel that way about me in 20 years, I'll be a happy father.

It was finally time to tell her.

"Mom, listen. Whatever problems or mistakes I have had or made, are all me. I'd like to be able blame you, but it would be a lie. You need to let go of the past, and know that I love you and am so grateful for you."

"Thank you, Brett."

"No, thank you Mom."

We talked for another 20 minutes and we agreed to find a way to get her out to California to spend a week with my girls and I. It's finally time for my daughters to meet the great Mother I have.


  1. Welcome back, Coach. Have missed you.

  2. You have a great mom. She has a great son. You're both lucky.

    Welcome home, darlin'... you've been missed... xo

  3. sweet!

    I'm happy you're back!

  4. Lets see. Since you have been blogging, you have caught back up with your brother and had the best convo with your mom. If you got nothing else out of this, at least you got that.
    Welcome back and you have been missed.

  5. I am so darn happy you are back! Even more happy to hear how things have turned out with "mom" Who knew all the things that could come out this world of blogland

  6. You are truly a good man!
    I am sure your Mom is so proud of you...I am happy for both of you!

  7. That was good to read. As a mom, I'm always worried that I'm screwing up my kids in some way.

    Glad you're back.

  8. yay!!! you're back!! whoooo whoooo!!

    the talk you had with your mom... how freakin awesome is that?! like a whole new chapter in life. it really does amaze me everyday hearing how blogging changes peoples' lives. how you've been able to reconnect with your family is just another terrific example. i'm super stoked for you!

    we missed you man!!! you're not ducking out on us again anytime soon are ya? cuzzz... ya know, i just don't wanna get all attached again... :)

  9. I am so glad that blogging had led you closer to you mom!

  10. I'm glad you're back to blogging. Wow, what a conversation to have with your mom. A good one for you both from the sounds of it.

  11. Glad to see you back, Coach.
    And it's nice to hear about how you sorted out your issues with your mom.

  12. Welcome back! :)

    I've got the warm fuzzies thinking about the conversation with your mom and the possibilities for a deeper relationship with her...not to mention you seeing her interact with your girls.

  13. It's tough writing about family even when it's meant to be cathartic. But, it's great to see how it brought you and your mother closer.

  14. VERY VERY Classy and cool of you to make peace with the past like that! I'm thouroughly impressed. :o)
    I am always telling people who gripe about their parents that they should be thankful that they still have them and to count their blessings. I know from experience what it is like to have lost both parents...and it makes me pretty peeved to hear people knock the people who gave us life.
    It's so nice to hear someone who understands that even parents are human and make human mistakes along the way, and chose to spin things into a positive.

    very nice, hon.

    You are a great guy!


  15. Wow.

    That's a great story.

    Welcome back.

  16. Good for you! So glad you are back and so completely happy that you and your mom had that special talk. :)

  17. Coachdad, you are amazing! So glad you're back. :)

  18. That's what life is about...the important things. you're doing things right.

  19. This post totally blows me away. Wow.

    After reading your hilarious comment on my blog, I came for more fun... and this is so poignant.
    Tomorrow, I'm reading a piece I wrote about my mom -- it's harsh and real (in an anthology that's coming out next week). But the truth is, I want to heal my relationship with my mom for my daughter. I'll be back for more!

  20. I think its absolutely wonderful that you and your mom had that conversation. I'm sure it meant a lot to her, to hear that you don't blame her for anything, and that you love her just the way she is. :)

  21. Those are words I'm sure any mom would be glad to hear.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I have four daughters too (ages 17-3) so let me know if you need any tips! ;) You must be having so much fun with that!

  22. Happy Birthday, late. How wonderful to have such a relationship with your mom.

  23. I missed you!!!!
    and your topic tonight spoke to my heart in a HUGE way! YOu will understand if you read my post! thanks for sharing!!!!!!

  24. Hasn't your life changed since you started blogging?! I'm glad you are still posting!