Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Male chatter

After a weekend and last night in a house with seven females, I was ready for some attention from a man. I am completely secure in my sexuality, so I have no problem making that statement.

Who could blame me?

After all, I just spent three days playing Barbies, painting fingernails, running to the local pharmacy to grab tampons for a roommate, and hearing about the discomfort of hot flashes from the house mom. Doesn't anyone in my house know that I am not one of them? I mean, shit, I do have testicles!

This morning when I walked into work, all I wanted was some good ole male conversation with the other PE teacher who shares an office with me. I knew he would be up for some football talk, or chatter about the sex we didn't have this weekend, and maybe even some arguing over whether or not Heath Ledger should have received the Oscar nomination for his role in The Dark Knight.

Any of that would of been have been great and exactly what I needed. I knew he wouldn't disappoint me.

"Morning Coach, what's up?" I said, waiting anxiously for his response.

"Hey... You should have seen the Chicken Soup I made for dinner last night. I made it from scratch."

I cook and take great pride in it, but, really? Are you kidding me? This is what we were going to talk about? Who traded the male chauvinist I was used to working with for Betty Crocker?

"Really? It was good?" I said, trying to sound interested.

"Oh yea, even my son liked it and he doesn't like anything. Don't you hate cooking something for your kids and they don't touch it? That's him all the time."

Almost as much as I hate where this conversation is going. But, Ok, well that has to be the end of it. Time to move on to something else, right?

"It was awesome cutting up everything and actually cooking it myself. You should have smelled the house... it was like we were in the kitchen of some great chef. But, it was me!"

"Oh, yea?"

"I never thought that soup could be a meal in itself, however, it was so rich and full of vegetables and chicken. I was full after one bowl. I made plenty... I brought some if you want to try it at lunch. You'll love it."

"Sure, Rob. I'll try it. What part of the chicken did you use?" I asked, hoping his answer would lead to the type of conversation I wanted.

"The recipe called for a whole chicken, but I bought these big chicken breasts and cut it up in big chunks. I like the breast the best." Bingo... he took my bait.

"Me too, Rob. I have always been a breast man."

Finally, we were talking like men.


  1. LMAO! This story made literally laugh out loud. I wonder if the female coaches were in their locker room talking about auto repairs and football.

  2. LOL. For the record,I think Heath Ledger not only deserved to be nominated but should also win...his performance was amazing...just...left me in awe. And, my mom made chicken noodle soup last night - from scratch, and your friend has a point - it is pretty amazing that soup can be so filling. But yeah, I like the breasts the best too :D

  3. Oh my..picking myself up off the floor!

  4. Just the laugh I needed today...thanks!!!!

  5. Ha this made me laugh! And its funny you mentioned the black night cause i just watched that movie last night! And heath ledger did an amazing job! i agree!

  6. You poor man! I'm not a guy so I can't help you out there but hey thanks for the laughs and the smiles.

  7. ROFL!! There's nothing so appealing as a real man so in touch with his feminine side. ;) And, uh, you're officially on my crush list now...

    Thanks for the award! I'm honored to be an FOC (Friend of Coachdad)!

  8. Haha, I know how you feel. Surrounded by men and ready for tomorrow's night out with the girls!

  9. Soup?? Was he really going to talk about soup? Yikes!

    Have you seen my boyfriends blog? He's always talking about sex, and boobs
    He's at http://bedsidetales.blogspot.com

    Love your blog too! =)

  10. That was funny. I find it funny how I appear to be the only male to leave a comment about male chatter.

  11. Thanks for the visit!
    Haha! I'm more a leg man myself, but will enjoy a juicy (chicken) breast any day. ;)

  12. Chicken titties....that's what we called them in college!

  13. I'd give you a virtual hug but that might be perceived as too feminine, and just what you aren't needing. Hmmm. Don't football players swat each other on the butt after a good play? Consider yourself swatted!