Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Room for rent

I am considering sending an email out to all employees on my campus. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Tell me what you think.

Dear fellow staff members,

I am looking for a roommate to join me in the house of horrors... I mean, house of fun. Requirements are you must be willing to live with one 37-year-old male who resides permanently on the couch in front of the big screen, a 50-year-old woman who bakes endlessly to stop from going insane, two 19-year-old girls who continually are shuffling in and out enough teenagers to fill up of one of our classrooms, four beautiful girls under 10 who are constantly looking for adults to give make-overs, three dogs that think they are cats, and four cats that are intelligent enough to stay out of the house. Other requirements are, but not limited to, being able to handle my dirty laundry always residing on the floor next to the washing machine and my clean clothes resting on top of the dryer, me cooking spaghetti every day as it is the only meal my children enjoy, Spongebob always playing in the background, my goatee trimmings in the bathroom sink, toilet paper that has only one sheet left at all times, a toilet seat always up, an empty refrigerator, barbie dolls taking naps on every step of the stairway, weekend wake up calls at 6 a.m. from a 4-year-old screaming at her father to make breakfast, the only quiet moment in the house being at 2:34 a.m., and the thermostat on the heater glued at 58 degrees. So, if you are about to be kicked to the street by your wife, or simply want to go some where that will make you feel better about your own life, email me back. Oh, I need a first month and a deposit ASAP.

Sincerely,

Your Football Coach

Think I will get any takers?

20 comments:

  1. Haha, oh that sounds like a tremendously fun time!

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  2. Your house sounds frighteningly like mine, at least with regard to the laundry, spaghetti, SpongeBob, toilet paper...

    You do make it sound attractive, certainly. I get the 4 girls under 10 but dare I ask how you reside with a 50-year-old woman and 2 19-year-olds? Or would that be nosy? 'Cause I am nosy, so I don't really have a problem with being called that, so you know.

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  3. When should I move in? JK. But that does make me feel kinda better about my life. Gotta, go the baby's locked in the closet...

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  4. I'm like Diane...I wonder where the 50 year old woman and 19 year old girls come in...and are the girls twins? The 58 degrees sounds heavenly, but the lack of toilet paper, seat up, and goatee trimmings put me out of the running. Well, that and the fact that I don't live in California.

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  5. Diane... I have a huge two-story house and rent a room to the 50-year-old and let the two 19-year-olds live in a room for free in return for taking my girls to and from school and watching them while I am working. Not nosy at all.

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  6. Sounds like paradise!
    I think the 50 year old and I have a lot in common!

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  7. Gotcha... let your baker know I love me some banana bread... you know... if she's feeling especially prone to insanity one day...

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  8. Those are some BEAUTIFUL girls you have there. And dogs who think they're cats? I need to hear more about this...

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  9. Sounds fabulous and honest. I can see someone biting and it won't be the wrong person with the wrong expectations! Good luck.

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  10. I'm afraid of who you might find :)

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  11. I can think of at least a dozen gay men who would sign up for this in a heartbeat!

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  12. You had me until...58 degrees!!! Sweet mother of God, man!!

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  13. I was beginning to think we had so much in common... Until I read "Room for Rent". It was wickedly funny but at the same time, much to scary for me! I live for quiet and I'm a bit of a neat freak...really... all the canned vegetables in my pantry are positioned labels forward! A place for everything and everything in it's place. Until today in my mind you were "Coach" now I've come to think of you as Captain of the U.S.S. Chaos! LOL!

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  14. This was too much...made me laugh and reminded me of the zoo that my own house can become at times. So if I ever need to get away I will know just where to go to feel like home...hehehe

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  15. Sounds like a great ad...I'm sure you'll get some response.

    It's funny how your own troubles always seem worse than other people's...I'm sure plenty of people would rather have your stress than their own. lol

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  16. Sounds oddly like my house as well....except the 58 degrees!!

    I thought we were the only ones with SpongeBob on ALL the time. My 11 year old told me that SpongeBob is supposed to be "gay"...what the hell does that mean?

    Hope you get a taker....

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  17. This sounds just like the house I rented a room in when I was in college...

    Great blog by the way, not sure if I've commented or not.

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  18. Eeeeeeeeeeek! (Sound of screaming)...

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