Thursday, January 22, 2009

What's next???

I got some parental advise from my seven-year-old the other day. She is concerned with the way I am bringing up her little sister - the 4-year-old who thinks she is 18.

Seems Savannah is trying to make up for the fact that I don't have their mother around to make sure I don't screw my kids up too much with the way I raise them. Cute for sure, however, what the hell does she know about molding a young child?

After all, I have been doing it on my own for four years and aside from telling Shelby to hide a quarter her in mouth to keep it away from Savannah two years ago, I think I have done a pretty good job. (Shelby would go on to swallow the quarter and we would end up spending the rest of the day in the emergency room.)

In addition to making sure they are provided for, I read to them every day, help them with homework, play games with them, let them apply makeup to my face, wake up at a ridiculous time on the weekends to make them pancakes, and never go out at night because I feel guilty about them spending so much time with a babysitter while I work.

What could I possibly be doing wrong?

"I just think you need to do some things differently around Alani,'' Vanna said.

"And what is that baby? Don't be afraid... just tell me."

"You need to stop saying bad words around her. Me and Shelby know that just because you say them doesn't mean we can. I am worried Alani will be saying them all the time at school when she starts Kindergarten next year. It's bad, Daddy."

Wow. . . just like that, I was speechless. She had a point. I do spew out four letter words a lot in the house. I don't direct them at my girls, but they leave my mouth quite regularly. And Alani has gotten pretty good at including them in her own vocabulary.

I always tell her not to, but it hasn't seemed to deter her too much. It probably doesn't help that the girls and I laugh after hearing Alani talk as if she is walking the halls of my high school.

Some of her classic sayings that have brought laughter from her siblings and I include:

"What the fuck did you do that for?" Said after I hit the back of her mouth while brushing her teeth recently.

"This is bullshit... I am going to play with my Barbies." Said after being frustrated at losing when playing the game Sorry with the rest of us.

"Dad, don't you think Hannah Montana is cool as shit?" That one needs no explanation.

And her favorite and one that was said recently while I had some coaching friends over watching an NFL playoff game. "More fucking football? Don't you watch anything else?"

Did I mention she is four?

After replaying all this in my head for a few minutes, Vannah brought me back to the present by asking me, "Don't you think it will be your fault if she is cussing in class next year and in trouble all the time? What do you think she is going to say to the teacher when she is told that snack time is over?"

I answered her, "What the fuck? I am not done yet."

"Yea, Daddy. You have to stop it around her."

She was right. Son of a bitch, she was right. I gave up smoking last week, now I have to stop cussing?

I hate to think of what's next.


  1. OH MY GOD, that had me rolling! If I ever heard those things coming out of a four year old's mouth, I'd die laughing (after I turned around so she wouldn't see me, of course).

    But yeah, I think maybe it's time to curb the expletives. Bullshit and Barbie, while probably appropriate, also probably oughtn't be used in the same sentence ;).

  2. I am laughing SO HARD at this right now! I managed to stop swearing a while back, except in extreme circumstances. That doesn't stop the boys from saying replacement words like "Dog damnit", "Frickin'", "Flippin'""OMG"(seriously, they say the letters, and I don't even care if they actually used the associated phase), and the 8 year old's most recent thing is to just bleep himself instead of saying a swear word.
    Think of it this way - it could be worse. My oldest went to preschool singing "Tequilla makes my clothes fall off" after a camping weekend with some friends...

  3. You poor man, hopefully there will be nothing else you will have to give up this year. Though for your 4 yo giving up cussing is probably a good thing. Good luck - you could always just let the cuss words fly here on your blog, we will forgive you.

  4. LOL, that's a great story! I curse like a sailor, it appears to be a normal part of my vocabulary now. But when I heard my 11 year old son say the F-word it stopped me in my tracks, quite literally... I was walking out of the room and stopped in my tracks to ask "what did you just say?" Here in Georgia the schools are VERY strict, so rather than be a total hypocrite knowing full well he learned it from me, I just asked him not to overuse the "bad" words and never EVER to use them in school. I suppose some people would disagree with that particular parenting method, but it's MY kid, so...*shrug* I find it quite funny that your parenting skills are monitored and commented on by your other children. I also think it's quite sweet and you've done a good job if they know they can say these things to you.

  5. told your daughter to hold a quarter in her mouth...What the &^%$?
    My grandson who is 3..told me I said a bad word and Gigi we don't say bad words...I am thinking holy shit...
    What did I say sweetheart?
    You said "stupid"...I look up at my daughter-in-law...who smiles...I think "stupid," really...
    I am so screwed!

  6. Ah, a potty mouth girl after my own fuckin heart. I just love swearing... I do turn it off around the children and I slip up about once a year, on average.
    But guess who taught me to cuss like a sailor? My DAD! I'll never forget he told me to say BFD, which, he told me stands for Big Fuckin Deal. I was to say this around my mom as often as possible. Good times...

  7. You are hysterical. This is one of the best things I've read on a blog ever.

  8. When my boyfriend was 3, he swallowed a penny, and they had to cut up his crap until they found it. As for the before I have kids I am so going to have to clean up my mouth. It's bad, and really I am embarrassed. I'm just glad I've never slipped up in front of my 2nd grade Sunday School that would be bad.

  9. I will never forget being at a gas station one day pumping gas and having a police car pull up next to two year old yelled out "Holy Shit! It's the cops." Thought I was headed straight for jail!

  10. yeah, we had the same worry. I was cool until my oldest's little speech impediment went away. She was saying a 'd' with pretty much every, if she repeated what I said, it wouldn't be 'Duck' anymore.


  11. Next the oldest will have some DARE thing at school and tell you that you shouldn't drink and drive even if it is just the riding mower because she doesn't want to live with the shame of having a father with only 7 toes.

    It never ends.

  12. OMG thank you for this post! I am still laughing!! I have been eagerly waiting for my son to start talking....but now you have me reconsidering.

    Good luck curbing your swearing habit. :)

  13. I must say this was beyond hilarious! And quite an eye-opener, as well. Someday when/if I have kids, I would want them to be perfectly disciplined angels. So I guess I better find a way to curb all my bad habits before that.
    (Fyi, my friends keep teasing me, saying that my future kids' first word will either be F*** or vodka.)

  14. Maybe it is something with the youngest and 4 year olds. My Matty swears like a sailor and we are trying our best to stop it (without success)!!

    His favorite phrase..."fucking asshole"...sometimes it is "fucking a-hole", "f-word a-hole b-word".

    He told my husband the other day after is brother and sister kicked him out of their room that they were just being assholes.

    He has kept it out of school so far, but the other day he got up at my mom's and called his brother a fucking asshole...don't think Grandma liked that one bit!!

    I have to is funny and sometimes appropriate! One day my husband and I were having a "disagreement" in the car and my then 4 year old son (who is 7 now) said "and Dad you're a dumbass". I couldn't agree more!!

    Good luck with that...we are still working on it!

    Great post!!

  15. Laughing My .... rear end off!!! That is terrific! Of course I agree with the 7yr old. But before the lil one's cursing begins to fade, you MUST get it on video!

  16. SUPER GREAT POST....loved reading it and all the comments others left. My older boys are in college and of course they cuss like crazy, lucky for me my 10 year old knows it shouldn't be done so he just comes up with his own words like frick for fuck, and son of a beep (actually says beep), mother trucker, it cracks me up!! Anyway I wish you the best with your little one...looks like you have good help in the house...hehe

  17. Are you kidding me? That shit is too funny! Amazing! Can I babysit your daughter some day? I have to see this for myself. You tell a story so well!

  18. Consider giving up cursing another parental sacrifice. I've gone to "oh dear" and "goodness sake" for the majority of instances to avoid cussing. You've had a rough week with all your sacrifices!

  19. FYI...I linked to this post in my blog today. :)

  20. I love my nieces... They really keep you in line... I totally see Lani doing that too!!

  21. Great Blog Coach! Thanks for stopping by to say hi on my little slice of the web. I'm going to do my homework now & read some of your archives. Enjoy your Sunday night!

  22. I've read this post like three times... It's pretty awesome... Len and I read it last night before we went to bed. It was a great way to end the night. Your life has been blessed with some amazing gifts and your daughters highlight those gifts so well. They all have a little piece of you that glows through their actions... Have a great experience with those awesome little kiddos!