I am quickly finding that the first sign that I am getting old is when I try to call someone on a Friday night and I am unable to get a hold of anyone. It's 9:30 p.m. and everyone I have tried to reach has already called it a night.
Normally, this doesn't bother me, but I wanted to talk. Sometimes, writing isn't enough. I wanted feedback... instant feedback.
Writing will have to do, though.
After getting home from coaching a high school basketball game, I clicked on my laptop and went straight to reading my email. One caught my attention right away:
What's up man? Thanks for the invite to our class reunion and I look forward to seeing you there. I noticed you don't have an account on Facebook. I have looked for you multiple times to no avail. I did find someone you might want to get a hold of on there. Your brother Jason. I remember you telling me at our last reunion you haven't talked to him and had no idea where he was. Just thought you should know he is on here and you probably want to reconnect with him. Good luck to you if you reach out to him.
I must have read that email 20 times before I walked away from the computer. I was shocked and couldn't believe that I may have found a way to talk to my younger brother again. Of all the places to try and find him, it never occurred to me to look on a website that so many of my co-workers had raved about. I had not followed their lead by creating my own account.
I felt like I had no need to. The people I want to talk to, I already do. Finding my soul mate wasn't something that I desired, I already have her with the Most Beautiful Woman in the World. I didn't want to sign up with a website that might give my students insight into my personal life.
Ironically, I did set up an account on Facebook just one day earlier. I did it because I was selected as one of three to try and locate people from my graduating class and inform them on the details of our impending reunion. It was to be the only reason to go to Facebook.
But, a chance to find my brother might be the reason to finally embrace Facebook. He is one of three brothers I have, but the only one I have no relationship with. I have seen and talked to him just once in the last 10 years.
He left my life after a dispute with my father over payment of a truck he bought from my Dad. Despite not taking sides, Jason took off for Washington and then Canada without saying a word to me. There is also speculation in our family that he had some issues while serving in the Army and that is the reason why he left the country.
Jason once told me what occurred when he was in the Army, but it never seemed like it was reason enough to leave his country and family. I really don't know what is true and not true about why he is gone. I really don't care why he left.
He's my brother and one of the few people in the world that really knows what it was like to grow up the way we did. He knows what is like to have a loving mother who had troubles picking her kids over the bottle and men. I have forgiven my mother for her past, but it was a past that was hard on all us kids.
He was one of the few in the world to know what it is like to have a father who loved you but at times had trouble showing you it with his words and actions while we grew up. I love my Dad and owe him so much for where and what I am in my life. He did the best he could as a single father and I thank him for it.
Quite simply, my brother is my brother, and I want any semblance of a relationship with him. I am done being bitter about him leaving and not reaching out to us. I used to think that if it was important enough to him to call or write me, he would.
After reading the email from Andy, I am done waiting for Jason. Maybe, he is embarrassed or ashamed for his departure and hasn't been able to swallow his pride. I have learned when it comes to family and to the ones you love, pride only leads to you being alone.
So, at 9:25 p.m., I sent my brother a request to be my friend on Facebook. I hope he accepts and becomes a friend of mine in life.
More importantly, I hope we can become brothers again.
Crisis of Confidence?
6 days ago